moisture

and

robots.

 a robot. and how i am not one.

i am not a prototype. like other brides.

 no pattern. or master mold.

no sight. to see. or show

  you how i need

to be crushed. underfoot.

under your feet. my own feet 
lock me up.

and, what i've shown you

i wish i could cover. back up. 
and, come over in the dark. 
in the dark, when i am not like this.
in the light. i am. this.

"streams of tears flow from my eyes,"

because i'm destroyed she said,

lamentations

and, apologies. 
does it make you puke, and your stomach turn.
 like ties.

are you sick. getting sicker. 
the fever comes with tides. and, you think
i'm the reason but i'm not.


 you took up my case.

i can't pay you back. i can't repay you 
 only replay that my heart is poor. and my mind penniless.
i can't. repay you. so i'm off again -
   without my pens. again. this time,
no paper. no arms, to write to you. no armor to defend. 


  hunted like His bird

and, shot down like a wood thrush. a magpie that owes you her wings.
 i promise you mine. but they're deformed .
deformed by protective covering, in armor 

i fly. but it's fucked. to be fucked,

unlike the wives of 
first love, the fantasy/ of reality.

and, so, my eyes flow unceasingly,

without release. without your relief. 


and now i know
good and well  -
 i'm fucked.

say, stay awhile.but, stay away. 
for a short time - stay
   stay away. tonight.
stay awhile more - with your

 head up and your eyes down. chin to the floor.
brains in the fire. mouth stuffed with gauze.
 hands tied behind back
doors. and
 tell me. nothing.
 beg for nothing. and, need nothing from me.
need nothing anymore. and then
maybe you can stay awhile.

youaretieddown and it is  

 say it.      that you lie
because i begged you to

"you came near when i called you 
and said 'DO NOT FEAR' does it make you itch now- 
with allergies. desperate to die. 

and with unnecessary guilt -
like worms that can't be found.

nasty feelings of shit. shit.shit that's all mine.

shhhh. it
slow down. slow. slow slow slow.er slow  

 the FUCK down -  
 to normal and good and easy


human what are you
a freak show a robot a side show

stop moving when you're frozen.
 get down. don't breathe. no
 noise no complaints. fuck 

to stop

moving. to go slow. 

er.  come here quickly
and come quietly. 

and, when i told you once before. 

to fuck me, 

without words. 

just gestures.  i meant it.  with just reason.
 for just cause. do it here - quickly. 
because there's nothing left. in my hands 
save stolen goods. and what they've

taken. how they took. how they stole. chop them off.please. chop them  off. i beg.

because, i want to be 
robotic mechanical stiff unemotional
 if you want. that. this way

    not approachable.

or appropriate.

  your wet waters close atop my head. 
so, you say "don't close your ears,"

 but they're both infected and
 insults become slippery, accidents.
       to take up my case

to open my mouth  to feed me
and host me and answer. me tamely.

to eat from my pantry. when

 it's all stale. everything.


 "veil is over my heart"

and if it were white 
would you call me a woman. the shitstorm.

 to stay soggy.
and  wet. wet. as the me, i am not.

you're not a wetland, you're a rotting tree stump.  


and i'm not,

the best

at much, i am the wellspring.

    of warmth. 

and water. is wet. it's rain. water-washed.
water-sheds. that move (pretty damn quickly). 
loud like lightning. sharp.

like thunder.

 alone in the night 

 hey, you. you consort

this animal = fuck you. and her beasts.

the queen and her ugly dogs.

my gaslights been out.

the fumes are  intolerable

and, again,  overpowered.  

desire to be tolerated.

 begin being bearable  want to be tolerated.
next time 
be robotic.
you stupid slut/girl.

    vow  

not someone else's silence
 next time. but break 

 lights in the darkness 

of this room. this room. is stupid.

  but, it's mine.  so serve me

to hot tongues.

and chapped lips.